I can't wait, I can't wait for.....

for a very important date (March 5, 2010) to see Tim Burtons "Alice in Wonderland"

Tim Burton’s “Alice In Wonderland” TRAILER

I know I am a bit cheesy. But Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, YES PLEASE!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!

I just weighed myself this morning and I weigh 255 lbs, YIKES.

Note to those of you who read my blogs and are thinking of getting on any kind of antidepressant's that treat low serotonin levels such as Zoloft, Paxil, etc.....prepare for weight gain. I crave sweets like crazy. Mostly cake and cupcake type sweets and recently butter pecan ice cream, yummy!. I am not making any excuses for my recent weight gain because I know it is my fault as well for eating late at night and all the sweets but those types of antidepressants tend to cause you to gain a lot of weight. They do cause you to crave sweets.

Last year at this time I was down to 180 lbs. I only had 30 more lbs to lose to get to my normal weight of 150 lbs. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am now on 3 different antidepressants. Hopefully they will do their job and help me with my depression and not cause any more weight gain. It's kind of a catch 22 with antidepressants. You get on them to help with your sad, blue moods and depression and it helps but then you gain all this weight cause of the cravings and you are like fuck, I'm fat and you get depressed about that. It's weird to me. Well I think I will go eat breakfast now: Yogurt and granola and that's it!!!!!!!!!!!

My 4th of July....

This is basically how I spent my 4th of July. (Though this is not "ME" in this picture.) This is how I felt all day long. Natalie was at her dad's house like she always is during the summer and I just felt alone and depressed so I chose to stay in bed all day long and eat cake. I have been feeling very alone and depressed lately and I don't like it. Lately I have not been wanting to go anywhere, so I stay home. I don't feel safe or comfortable when I leave my house. I can pretty much go to the store or go through a drive through to get food but then I must hurry home and go straight to my bedroom. I feel safe in my room and comfortable but empty and alone inside. I don't even want to take a shower and change clothes. I feel awful. I thought that I was making progress with my depression but I guess not. Heartbreaking things have been going on with my close relationship with my brother. His wife wont allow me to have a relationship with him anymore, I can't talk to him, or go over to their new house. I haven't spoken to my brother in almost a month now. That has killed my heart. He is still to this day, one year later, going in and out of the hospital for his depression that I know for a fact is all being caused by his terrible devil of a wife. I dislike her so much right now. She is so immature for being 25. She is SATAN in disguise.

So anyways, this is how I spent my 4th of July, all curled up in bed with my cats =), the only things beside my daughter that keep me sane. I watched TV from dawn to dawn and never saw not one firework, not even a sparkler. How sad is my life right now =(

AND HERE IS MY BABY SLOTH.......

"I WISH, HAHAHA, LOL!!!!!!
LOOK HOW CUTE THIS LITTLE FELLER IS. I LOVE THIS PICTURE =)


"BABY DEXTER SLOTH"
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

YEP, I THINK THIS IS ABOUT RIGHT.........

"I want a baby SLOTH as a pet, lol. I shall name him Dexter =)"