Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I miss these guys like CRAZY..........
Hurry up with the EP and new ALBUM guys, I am so ready to see you all live again. I miss your music sooooooooo much!!! Besides The Dear and Departed, when David, Joel and Simon where in the band, you are THE only other band that impassions my soul and brings me to that happy place in my life, where I love to BE!!! I love AFI for LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Turning 35......=(
So on October 1, 2008 I turned the dreaded 3-5. That's Thirty-Five, yikes! I couldn't be more depressed. I had a nice birthday though. My mom and daughter took me out to P.F Changs at The Pike in Long Beach, one of my favorite restaurants. I had the spring rolls appetizer and Changs spicy chicken as my entree with white rice. My daughter got me the most beautiful card and a cute birthday bear and some Godiva chocolates, yeah she knows her mom really well, lol. She picked out and paid for these items all by herself at the Hallmark store inside the Lakewood Mall. I went across the way to Victoria Secrets while she went into Hallmark. I went to buy me my birthday present that my husband James would always get me every birthday. My favorite Victoria Secret Garden lotions. I love Pear Glace` and Love Spell. I got 3 of each scent. The lotion, spray, and shower gel. I have been using Pear Glace` since 1995. So all in all it was a good day. I missed my husband but what else is knew. This is my second birthday without him.
But this past weekend as I was in bed with yet another Fibromyalgia attack, I took stock of my life and came up with this: I have not accomplished a damn thing in 35 years!!! Except giving birth to my daughter in 1998 and raising her. That is a big accomplishment but in the past 17 years since I graduated from high school this is all that I have done:
1991-Age 17 Graduated from Banning High School
1992-Age 18 Met David Donini, who would eventually become my husband and the father of my daughter.
1993-Age 19 Got my first kitty cat ever. Named her KIKI. Worked on and off at odd jobs, never stayed at any one job for more than a couple of months, this would soon become a pattern of my job history.
1994-Age 20 Decided to go into the Medical Field and went to Medical Assisting school through the city of Long Beach Regional Occupational Program.
1995-Age 21 Graduated from Medical Assisting school and was hired right out of school by the first resume I faxed over to an OB/Gyn office the "Women's Health and Reproduction Center" in Long Beach, Ca. I quit after only 2 months. Worked 2 more Medical Assisting jobs this year and quit them as well.
1996- Age 22 Got Married to David on July 6, 1996, wasn't working when we got married so we lived with my mom and dad cause we only had one income, his, and it wasn't that much, which was fine by me cause I love living with my mom.
1997- Age 23 4 months after David and I got married I landed a really good job at a Pediatricians office and loved it soooo much. This year 1997 David and I moved out of my parents house and into our very first apartment in Lakewood, Ca. Our rent for our nice 1 bedroom 1 bath was $550 and we even bought a new car together. Life was good back them, so I thought????? I don't think I was ever in love with David. I can honestly say this now.
1998- Age 24 I'm Pregnant!!!!! David was less than thrilled. I was thrilled beyond belief. He was afraid, I wasn't. I always go by what my mom always has taught me "DON'T WORRY, THE LORD SHALL PROVIDE". Financially we weren't doing so bad until I quit my job at the Peds. Office. I was the bread winner. I made more money than my husband and he was livid with me that I quit. I mean what man wouldn't be, here we are pregnant about to be parents for the first time and I up and quit. I always do that for some reason. My excuse this time was because I was too sick and so tired to work from the pregnancy. To make a long story short we couldn't afford our apartment anymore so we were forced to move out and live with HIS father. Natalie was born on December 3, 1998 she was 7lbs 11oz and 20in long. She was perfect, mommy wasn't!
1999-Age 25 David and I separated on September 9, 1999. 9-9-99 and Natalie was 9 months old. I moved back in with my mom and David stayed with his Dad. I cared about David but I didn't love him. Plus he cheated on me with his co-worker/worker's. I still care very deeply for David, afterall he did give me a beautiful daughter =)
2000-Age 26 Our divorce became final on May 30, 2000. I worked in 2000 and was able to get my own apartment in Lakewood, Ca my first apartment as a single mom was a studio with no kitchen for $400 a month and I also was able to lease a new car. So I wasn't doing all that bad for a 26 year old single mom of a 1 year old.
2001- Age 27 I met the man of my dreams working at a doctors office in Long Beach, Ca his name was James Edward Ludwig, he was my patient. We met officially on November 13, 2000 but didn't go out and become a couple until February 22, 2001. I fell in love, hard. He was everything I always wanted in a man. Needless to say I quit my job at the doctors office to be with him. See the pattern here.
2002- Age 28 James my soon to be husband got a really good job working as Dr. Dre, the rap star's, bodyguard. This job paid very well so I moved out of my studio apartment into James and my's first home together in Rancho Palos Verdes, Ca, this is the city where my husband grew up. We rented a 3 bedroom 2 bath condo for $1900 a month. It was nice. I was really happy in those days, I was in love, my hubby was healthy, Natalie loved her Jimmy, that's what she called him, we had a nice place to live. I didn't have to work. He didn't want me to. I was a house wife. On October 12, 2002 James and I got married in Las Vegas. Life was great.
2003- Age 29 during the months of Jan-September I was 29 and in October I turned 30. My husband became very ill On November 5, 2003 he was hospitalized for 10 days. He had to quit his job with Dr. Dre and I couldn't work because I wanted to be with my husband and take care of him. So we moved out of the condo and in with my mom and dad.
2004-Age 31 Nothing significant happened in 2004. My husband was sick on and off throughout the year and I stood by his side and took care of him because that's how much I loved this man. I loved him sooooooooo much that I honored my marriage vows to love him in sickness and in health. Nobody should take that vow lightly, nobody, cause you just never know what is going to happen.
2005-Age 32 My husband was sick an awful lot of 2005 and once again I stood by his side and took care of him.
2006-Age 33 This year was a blur because my hubby was sick so often.
2007-Age34 My husband passed away on January 1, 2007 he succumbed to his illness. I am a widow at the age of 34. I got back into music and started to heal through music, going to shows, meeting new friends on myspace and meeting band members. It helped but it can never take away the pain I feel in my heart.
2008-Age 35 Depressed, now I am sick but with a condition called Fibromyalgia. I also have Neuropathy in my legs and Arthritis in my knee. I also have two herniated disc's in my back. I live with chronic pain and I am over weight (YUCK)!!!. I have one thing to live for and that is my daughter Natalie.
So I guess I have accomplished a few things in my life so far. 2 Marriages, 1 Divorce, the birth of my daughter and taking care of my husband through sickness and in health. That will always be my biggest accomplishment to date, taking care of my husband and raising my daughter. I have left alot of stuff out because it would of taken up about 50 pages. But one thing I didn't leave out is turning 35 is still depressing. I don't recommend it at all, hahahahahahahaha, lol.
But this past weekend as I was in bed with yet another Fibromyalgia attack, I took stock of my life and came up with this: I have not accomplished a damn thing in 35 years!!! Except giving birth to my daughter in 1998 and raising her. That is a big accomplishment but in the past 17 years since I graduated from high school this is all that I have done:
1991-Age 17 Graduated from Banning High School
1992-Age 18 Met David Donini, who would eventually become my husband and the father of my daughter.
1993-Age 19 Got my first kitty cat ever. Named her KIKI. Worked on and off at odd jobs, never stayed at any one job for more than a couple of months, this would soon become a pattern of my job history.
1994-Age 20 Decided to go into the Medical Field and went to Medical Assisting school through the city of Long Beach Regional Occupational Program.
1995-Age 21 Graduated from Medical Assisting school and was hired right out of school by the first resume I faxed over to an OB/Gyn office the "Women's Health and Reproduction Center" in Long Beach, Ca. I quit after only 2 months. Worked 2 more Medical Assisting jobs this year and quit them as well.
1996- Age 22 Got Married to David on July 6, 1996, wasn't working when we got married so we lived with my mom and dad cause we only had one income, his, and it wasn't that much, which was fine by me cause I love living with my mom.
1997- Age 23 4 months after David and I got married I landed a really good job at a Pediatricians office and loved it soooo much. This year 1997 David and I moved out of my parents house and into our very first apartment in Lakewood, Ca. Our rent for our nice 1 bedroom 1 bath was $550 and we even bought a new car together. Life was good back them, so I thought????? I don't think I was ever in love with David. I can honestly say this now.
1998- Age 24 I'm Pregnant!!!!! David was less than thrilled. I was thrilled beyond belief. He was afraid, I wasn't. I always go by what my mom always has taught me "DON'T WORRY, THE LORD SHALL PROVIDE". Financially we weren't doing so bad until I quit my job at the Peds. Office. I was the bread winner. I made more money than my husband and he was livid with me that I quit. I mean what man wouldn't be, here we are pregnant about to be parents for the first time and I up and quit. I always do that for some reason. My excuse this time was because I was too sick and so tired to work from the pregnancy. To make a long story short we couldn't afford our apartment anymore so we were forced to move out and live with HIS father. Natalie was born on December 3, 1998 she was 7lbs 11oz and 20in long. She was perfect, mommy wasn't!
1999-Age 25 David and I separated on September 9, 1999. 9-9-99 and Natalie was 9 months old. I moved back in with my mom and David stayed with his Dad. I cared about David but I didn't love him. Plus he cheated on me with his co-worker/worker's. I still care very deeply for David, afterall he did give me a beautiful daughter =)
2000-Age 26 Our divorce became final on May 30, 2000. I worked in 2000 and was able to get my own apartment in Lakewood, Ca my first apartment as a single mom was a studio with no kitchen for $400 a month and I also was able to lease a new car. So I wasn't doing all that bad for a 26 year old single mom of a 1 year old.
2001- Age 27 I met the man of my dreams working at a doctors office in Long Beach, Ca his name was James Edward Ludwig, he was my patient. We met officially on November 13, 2000 but didn't go out and become a couple until February 22, 2001. I fell in love, hard. He was everything I always wanted in a man. Needless to say I quit my job at the doctors office to be with him. See the pattern here.
2002- Age 28 James my soon to be husband got a really good job working as Dr. Dre, the rap star's, bodyguard. This job paid very well so I moved out of my studio apartment into James and my's first home together in Rancho Palos Verdes, Ca, this is the city where my husband grew up. We rented a 3 bedroom 2 bath condo for $1900 a month. It was nice. I was really happy in those days, I was in love, my hubby was healthy, Natalie loved her Jimmy, that's what she called him, we had a nice place to live. I didn't have to work. He didn't want me to. I was a house wife. On October 12, 2002 James and I got married in Las Vegas. Life was great.
2003- Age 29 during the months of Jan-September I was 29 and in October I turned 30. My husband became very ill On November 5, 2003 he was hospitalized for 10 days. He had to quit his job with Dr. Dre and I couldn't work because I wanted to be with my husband and take care of him. So we moved out of the condo and in with my mom and dad.
2004-Age 31 Nothing significant happened in 2004. My husband was sick on and off throughout the year and I stood by his side and took care of him because that's how much I loved this man. I loved him sooooooooo much that I honored my marriage vows to love him in sickness and in health. Nobody should take that vow lightly, nobody, cause you just never know what is going to happen.
2005-Age 32 My husband was sick an awful lot of 2005 and once again I stood by his side and took care of him.
2006-Age 33 This year was a blur because my hubby was sick so often.
2007-Age34 My husband passed away on January 1, 2007 he succumbed to his illness. I am a widow at the age of 34. I got back into music and started to heal through music, going to shows, meeting new friends on myspace and meeting band members. It helped but it can never take away the pain I feel in my heart.
2008-Age 35 Depressed, now I am sick but with a condition called Fibromyalgia. I also have Neuropathy in my legs and Arthritis in my knee. I also have two herniated disc's in my back. I live with chronic pain and I am over weight (YUCK)!!!. I have one thing to live for and that is my daughter Natalie.
So I guess I have accomplished a few things in my life so far. 2 Marriages, 1 Divorce, the birth of my daughter and taking care of my husband through sickness and in health. That will always be my biggest accomplishment to date, taking care of my husband and raising my daughter. I have left alot of stuff out because it would of taken up about 50 pages. But one thing I didn't leave out is turning 35 is still depressing. I don't recommend it at all, hahahahahahahaha, lol.
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